Hangin’ in there!?
I lowered my meds again this week. Like I had talked about with the doctor. Again, two days later I felt like a cold was coming on. But the next day I was pretty energized. Just like last time. One thing was/is different. I feel blah. I don’t know if it’s because the weather has been grey and wet for the better part of the week. Maybe I went down too fast, two doses in two weeks. It feels like I down shifted too fast.
Maybe it’s just my body trying to fool me. Or maybe it’s just a lack of habits. Not doing much since my hands have been operated. I don’t know. I’ll give it till next week. Then I’ll push myself in doing something every day.
All I wanted to do on Wednesday was go back to bed. I couldn’t because I had my first appointment with the new shrink. The behavior specialist. I felt an attack coming on on my way there. Then when I gave him a quick overview of my last year, I felt another attack. I told him so and tried to calm down for a few seconds. When the session was almost over, he told me he was glad he was able to witness the attack and my way of dealing with it. Because of my reaction, he told me we were already on step three of the behavior therapy.
Just like my regular shrink, he told me he was amazed at how much I know myself and of all the progress I’ve done on my own. I’m seeing him again on Wednesday. I hope to be feeling better by then.
I called the human resources of my company to check why I couldn’t get my vacation pay from a year ago. She told me I could. The secretary of my department told me I couldn’t. I should get it by the end of May. Had I known that a month ago, I could have avoided those interests on my fridge. Feeling better and more sure of myself, I’d bring her my bill and have her pay it.
On to other news. I’m registering for school next Friday. I really hope I feel better. I want to be able to enjoy the whole process. I know I’ll have conflicting butterflies. I’ll be exited to register, but at the same time I’ll be turning down a comfy job and a good pay. You see, I’m not sure I’ll be able to go to school full time and work evenings. I’m sure most of my problems will be gone by then, but I’m not sure I’ll be strong enough yet. I know, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. But remember I’m suffering from anxiety right now, so I think it’s also normal to worry.
And by doing this, I’m really changing the course of my life. I’m facing the unknown, new challenges.
Till next time!?
Have fun!?
J
Would I !? 