Breaking out?!

Hi guys,

That last post was from 2010. But it started before that. I guess from the beginning of my panic attacks. Or even before. I don’t know. That last post was me seeing out but trapped inside. I’ve had a few episodes like that. I could see from the inside out, but felt like I couldn’t do anything. Scream, bang on the walls. It was like being in a strong box. In a coma.

Well, about a month ago, I started feeling like the shell was broken. I could see out and start moving out. If that makes sense. I feel like I’m breaking out of this mold, this panic room.

I started seeing myself in the mirror. Haven’t seen myself in a long time. Man did I change. I’ve been trimming and shaving my beard once a week for the last three weeks. It was about every other month before. Drinking as gone done. Some days even 50% less.

Am I out of the woods? No. But I like this new beginning.

Started eating and exercising today. Yes eating. I ate before but nothing balanced. No breakfast, fruits, vegetables. No water. I cleaned up my bike. Got new air chambers for the tires and tried it for the first time in about fifteen years.

Oh, and I lost 30 pounds in one night. lol

Before starting to exercise and eat better, I weighed myself on Friday morning. Figured I weighed about 230, but glad to say the 200 mark has not been breached. lol

196.8lbs, so ok 197.

But god just that number makes me feel good. Going to work at it and see if I can get down to around 160lbs. No rush.

I have to make sure that door stays open.

Have fun!?

J